Pride

So, last weekend I spent pretty much the entire weekend volunteering for Pride and have been meaning to post about it for quite some time now. Pride this year was a fair bit of drama. Not awful or anything, I'd say that last year there was more issue with the personalities that were involved and this year there was more issue with the disorganization. Due to a shift in the coordinator of Pride, there were a few (to be expected) flub-ups in terms of getting things all coordinated, and so a few mistakes were made. (one particularly bad oversight involved me attempting to direct traffic away from the parade site, and a number of rather large people, in rather large SUVs telling me that they would run me over if I didn't get out of their way) But overall, the Pride was a success! It is odd now. I still volunteer at Pride, and I do get a sense of accomplishment about the work I do for this event. But now, the actual event means so much less to me. I now live Pride vicariously, through my memory of my former self. I recall the first time that I went to Pride, I was just blown away (not literally, you sickos!). I remember how incredible the feeling was, to feel like I was surrounded by a crowd of people who understood me and supported me. I was so new to gay culture then, and all of the drag queens, leather men and just plain 'ole vanilla queers were such novelty. It wasn't as though I could identify with everyone in the crowd of people that I met, but it didn't matter. I felt unified with the community, and for probably the first time, I felt accepted. It all sounds so terribly corny, but it is true. Pride is still an affirming event for me, but these days I guess my need is just so much less. Several years ago, I anxiously sought out a community that I could call my own. To see the thousands of people gathered at our small Lansing event meant something much deeper. Now, I suppose that I don't really need that anymore. Of course I still seek acceptance from society in general, but the pursuit no longer feels as desperate as it did then. I tend to forget the meaning that Pride once had to me, but I do hope that somewhere, amidst the drunken crowds, there is another person to whom Pride still means the world.

It's raining 300 men

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi2t58CRmbU
I have to post this, if for no other reason than to appall Ben.

On family...

In lab... Waiting for an incubation and friends to be ready to hang out... So I am just farting around a bit... So, my mom was in town this last weekend and I got to take off work and hang out with her for almost 2.5 days solid. Everyone asks me, "so what did you and your mom go out to see/do?" and they are generally surprised to hear that we didn't really go out all that much, just mostly hung out and talked to one another. When I tell people this, I occasionally get a look of pity or comments about how looking after my mother for a weekend sounds like a chore compared to what I could have been doing. But what people don't understand is that I have a very unusual mother... When I say that I didn't go out and do all that much, I do mean that we really only went out to eat for a little while on Friday evening (FYI, if you go to Zodiac, order the appetizers... phenomenal) and mostly either bumed around the house or went to talk over coffee. Which is true, but is also a bit misleading. You see, when my mom comes over, she packs a few things. Namely, the first thing to be unpacked from mom's luggage when we arrived back at the house was her Playstation II. And her huge dance pad. On Friday morning, we were waiting outside of the nearest GameStop. As soon as they opened, we were in and my mom was picking out a dance mat for me, to replace the ones that had worn out on her last visit. So, we get the pads and truck on back to my house where we proceed to dance the afternoon away to "Go West", "It's Raining Men", " and other such Dance Dance Revolution Classics. When we tire, mid-afternoonish, we head to the kitchen... We're parched... So, we skip the light refreshments and head straight for the Cosmos. Then, with slightly less coordination, we resume DDR. When mom comes to town, it is like one of my best friends is here for a visit. But unlike my other friend's visits, I have every excuse to tell my boss to take off some time and relax. Basically, these are some of my most treasured weekends, ever. And if that makes me a momma's boy. So be it.

Oh the nail-biting suspense!!!

So... Browsing CNN.com today I happened to run into this gem of a story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/07/paris.hilton/index.html Which, in a nutshell basically sez: "Your countries' legal system is a mockery of anything resembling justice. You'd best get yourself a lawyer pronto and stay on his/her good side at all costs (i.e. feed them tons of money). Because, when the shit hits the fan, if you are rich and your lawyer is smooth, you can get away with whatever you damn well please. Pay no mind to the fact that everyone in the country is probably aware of your guilt, and watching you buy your way out of your responsibilites as a citizen. Your legal system = sham." Or... If you take the narrow-minded, more literal meaning of the article, it tells you that Paris is getting out of jail for "medical reasons" (you can't see me, but I am miming really big exaggerated 'air quotes' right now...) and will serve the rest of her jail sentence under house arrest... in Beverly Hills... in her mansion... So naturally, I was thrown into a deep depression which was only alleviated by happening to run into this article: http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/06/08/arts/NA-A-E-CEL-US-Paris-Hilton.php Which in a nutshell tells you that there just might be a God who is out there and paying some attention... And even She doesn't like Paris Hilton... But mind you, though this story has a happy ending, the end does not necessarily justify the means... To find the second article I actually had to go to Google, click on the box and delibrately type the words: "Paris Hilton" ... I suddenly feel like some dirty thirteen-year-old straight boy who just heard of Paris' porno vid... I am ashamed...

A Good Dose of Fun Stereotyping

http://www.brightcove.com/title.jsp?title=823359685 LOL!!! I was amused. Too bad I can't embed the video in my blog... I'm pretty sure that the little boy in the video is pretty much me, circa 1990.

Another jaded soul...

So... You have probably heard the news about Cindy Sheehan stepping out of the public limelight and stopping her crusade as "the face of the anti-war movement". She released a statement entitled "Good Riddance, Attention Whore", detailing her reasons for getting out of the political frey: http://www.afterdowningstreet.org/?q=node/23018 If the title doesn't clue you in, one of the most depressing things about this letter to America is it's utter bitterness. The message itself isn't filled with material that is all that surprising, but the jaded nature of the letter is a slap in the face. A cause for a moment of serious reflection. So, let me back up here a bit for those of you who might not know my policical leanings. I don't agree with Cindy, I think that an immediate withdrawl of US forces from Iraq would be disasterous and would reflect poorly on the nation. Those friends who I discuss political philosophy with can tell you that I was always against going to Iraq before it was fashionable, but now that we are there, to immediately abandon the post would be irresponsible and I believe that it would further weaken US relations and reputation in the world. This isn't too say that I can't respect what Cindy was trying to do. Striving for peace is always a noble cause in my book, even if I sometimes find that the belief in a path to peace requires one to be idealistic to the point of naivete. Cindy had a cause and pursued that cause whole-mindedly, even obsessively. While her message was sometimes garbled by excessive finger-pointing and scape-goating, we might find it reasonable to forgive her in light of the mudslinging that was directed to her. And her considerable losses along the way. It is sobering to see that this, her final message directed to all of America, is one of bitter regrets and despair. I, for one, hope that when she is able to step back a while and reflect, she might see that her voice was heard by many. To recognize that her influence may have reached further than she knows. To focus on the positive relationships she found and not to merely have come to regard the majority of the population with distain. I hope that our political system is not as flawed as Cindy believes, or as I sometimes fear...

Wahoo!!!

An accomplishment! I have just finished reading my first novel in what must be at least 2 years at least! Passage, by Connie Willis. It was not a particularly phenomenal book, but it is probably the first one I have read in a very very long time! Hooray for the little accomplishments!!! It was even a long one, almost 800 pages of somewhat intriquing text! Yesterday I even got out of the lab for long enough to go on a hike with Usman up near Boordy vineyards. What is the world coming to? My boss would be so dissapointed in me..

MY HUMPS -- ALANIS MORRISETTE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4moXgu6aqfI
Thanks for tiping me off about this Aleks! I love Alanis... Now I love her even more. This video makes me laugh everytime.

Duran Duran - Ordinary World

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEN6v5xjr_U
So... I've had this song stuck in my head all day long, and the remix too. So, now that I have infected all of my lab mates with the song, I will infect you... gentle reader... Lord knows why they put this song to Spiderman though... weird...

Ordinary World, the remix...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTpx2-YARbg

Great Week!

Wow! I've really had an amazing time within the last week or so, much to my own surprise.... After a 5.5 hour talk with the boss which streched to nearly 8:30pm last Sunday and which detailed the major failings of my project and a need to switch to a new one ASAP, I was prepared to really be in a lousy mood. I was just sure that all of my standard frustrations and neurotic inclinations would come bubbling to the surface. But then, apparently to no ones surprise but my own, it never happened... The last week has been filled with a lot of really wonderful events in my life and a generally positive outlook. I have taken more time to be social and step outside of my head, rediscovering that I am surrounded by some really wonderful people here. I've reconnected with some friends who I haven't seen in years and kindled friendships with other fantastic people that I met here in "The Greatest City of America". Things are great in my relationship, looking good with my family and if not great at work, at least there is a new perspective at lab and a chance for growth in a new direction. Even the weather has been oddly gorgeous... Now, if only my dog would stop pissing all over the place... :oP Damn Zook...

There is justice in the world

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/04/paris.hilton.ap/index.html


I don't often delight in the misfortune of others, but I must admit that this story really brought a smile to my face.  Seriously, if you are irresponsible enough to be driving drunk so many times that your licence is put under probation and then is suspended, you kinda sorta maybe should come up with a better excuse than "Oh...  I didn't bother to read that silly document that the cop made me sign...  I know it says that my licence is suspended, but, like, I didn't read it.  So I didn't know!!!"  

Of course her parents are just livid!  "How dare that judge send dear Paris to jail?!?  He is just singling her out becase she is famous!"  What gall...

10 to 1 she doesn't actually go to jail.  But if she does, maybe she can spend some of the time buffing up on her literacy....  Shesh.

In need of a Attitude Adjustment

So the last few weeks I have really been making an effort to get out of work more and do more social activities with people.  My project is in the toilet and is frustrating the heck out of me.  After investing so much time and energy into a project like this, it is really hard to keep an emotional distance when things are not so great with the experiments.  I have been trying to be out and about, spend more time with others and pursue some of my interests which aren’t as “escapist” as those I have been occupied with in the past.  The good news is that it is working!  I am feeling better, and I am keeping a steady work pace without being crazed about work.  I’m living a lot more balanced lifestyle again, despite that I am told this is not possible while working in science.

 

But even so, there are just those days when the experiments continue to turn up confusing and/or disappointing results.  And on these days, it is difficult to maintain a reasonable perspective…  Days when searching a coverslip for an elusive phenotype, or confronted with a Western with negative results leads to an immediate plummeting of my feeling of self-worth.  You know the days?  The ones that make you wish you could just go back to bed and sleep until it is time to graduate.

 

The weird thing is that I know that these moods are ridiculous, even as they settle in on me.  Since I am not God and don’t control the way that life works, I shouldn’t feel stupid when my results are not the ones I was hoping to see.  My life in general is an extremely blessed one.  I am surrounded by interesting people and have a fairly unique opportunity to explore new territory.  My family isn’t encountering any serious issues and my parents are in good health.  I have a wonderfully understanding and supportive boyfriend.  I have plenty of fun and caring friends.  I am making adequate money to make me happy, I really don’t desire any more material goods.  So why, with such an abundance of good fortune, does my work possess the power to make me feel so lousy?

 

I feel like it is time to reframe my perspective on life, remember that graduate school is not the end of my career path, no matter how it turns out.  Likewise, keep in mind that my career path doesn’t define me or the sum of my worth.  Focus on the excitement that can accompany the exploration and curiosity in science.  Recall that I am surrounded by those I care for and whom return the favor…

 

Surprise Surprises

Today in the frog room, as I picked out frog poop from the eggs, I was ruminating over the conversation that I had last night...

Strange how even after over 3 years, I am still sometimes caught completely off guard by the depth of thinking and personality from the one who I am most closely tied to here in Baltimore.  Odd how  the logic behind advice we have been receiving (and ignoring) for some time suddenly snaps into place when just one additional bit of information is given to us.  Disconcerting to realize how easy it is to miss obvious clues when they are right in front of our faces.  

Amazing how I continue to be pleasantly surprised by the person whom I love...

Different worlds

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/20/transgender.prom.king.ap/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/23/turner.prom/index.html

Holy time-warp Batman!

Selfish Science?

So...  I have a question for  you fellow graduate students.  This has been kicking around in my head for a couple of years now, but recently has occupied more of my attention.

Is modern science an inherently selfish endeavor?

I was talking with a professor about science a few years back and I remember being shocked when I was told that they believed that their profession was a fairly selfish one.  It was a foreign concept to me, after all, I don’t know many lazy professors (pre-tenure) and aren’t we putting in all of these tireless hours in the name of ‘The Truth’?

Over my years of grad school, this thought has incubated in the back of my mind, occasionally popping up to put forward awkward questions.

“You used to be much more of an activist and more socially-minded.  What happened?”  Well, durh, graduate school happened.  I don’t have time for all of that stuff now.  This excuse isn’t without merit, but it isn’t precisely true either.  In high school and undergrad, I was much more connected to a group of other students who did care more about social issues.  I did get out on occasion to go to a protest, or to volunteer my time at one organization or another.  Grad school, the post-doc and the early professorial positions seem to be all about focus.  Focus on the science.  Focus on your career.  Focus on yourself.  Does the complexity of modern science in a heightened atmosphere of tough competition for dwindling resources demand a single-minded obsession with science that must block out other interpersonal and community commitments?

“Why, as academics, are we taught to look down our noses at scientific work that is geared towards application?”  We regard the justification of our research as a chore, that we need explain to ‘the masses’ why our research is important.  AIDS, Alzheimer’s and especially ‘The Big C’ (Cancer) are words to toss around to get your grant funded.  But it’s the research that matters, the unquenchable personal curiosity that is regarded in high esteem.  I came in, a freshly released undergrad, full of naïve ambitions to be researching a topic that had immediate grounding in a topic that has great importance in today’s society, or in our newly arising global landscape.  What is it that has changed that desire in me?  I realize that a deeper understanding of science certainly makes the issue more complicated than “I’m going to go out there and cure cancer!”.  But are socially-minded projects and academic research diametrically opposed?  To be a mature scientist does one have to be an immature neighbor?

Alright, that is enough for tonight.  Perhaps there will be a part 2 later.  But I’d be curious to hear any of your thoughts, on this forum or over coffee/martinis!

 

Wahoo!

My bestest friends are coming to visit tonight!  

Debauchery will ensue.

Fame! It will be mine!

Ah ha!  I have conformation!  At least one person is reading my journal!  Soon you will all fall under the spell of my powerful writing and I will be known across the galaxy!!!!

... but...  failing that, leave a comment or two just so I know I'm not talking to myself....

That Little Plastic Castle - Gets me every time!

Ah ha!  So that is why we're having so many problems these days at home and abroad!  Our country is being run by goldfish!

'http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070416/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/fired_prosecutors
WASHINGTON - Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, fighting to save his job, said in prepared Senate testimony Sunday he has "nothing to hide" in the firings of eight federal prosecutors but claimed a hazy memory about his involvement in them.' 


Does anyone in the administration have a good memory?  Could we assign more tasks to him/her? 

Where is that little black book?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070416/ap_on_go_pr_wh/cheney_libby;_ylt=AriVjKL4WXIk8XK03VaLiH7MWM0F
'Cheney hasn't called Libby since trial
WASHINGTON - In the nearly six weeks since his close friend and former chief of staff was convicted of lying and obstructing an investigation, Vice President Dick Cheney has not once spoken to I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.'


Its okay Libby...  Its not that Dick doesn't want to hang out with you anymore, he's probably just forgotten your number.

Made me giggle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67-0gla-_Qk
Weird, but fun

Midwest Education

So...  I just got taken for money again by someone on the streets of Baltimore....  

Its odd how, regardless of the fact that I was immediately suspicious of the woman who stopped me from the very begnning, how I still didn't know what do to do extracate myself from the situation.  I mean, what do you do when a somewhat fraile, reasonably dressed woman flags down your car and asks for a lift to the hospital?  Even if you don't believe them, there is that nagging doubt that they might be telling the truth, is the guilt on your head if they faint dead away in the streets?  You figure, fine, give the woman a ride, its the only humanitarian thing to do, right?

Only thing is, once she is in your car, she doesn't want to go to Union Memorial.  Her hospital is down in the Inner Harbor...  But she feels so weak and thinks she might faint again, her blood pressure has been so high lately...  But she doesn't want to inconvience me, so maybe if I could just take her to her place on St. Paul, which is just a few blocks away.

Fine.  No problem, a minor inconvience and it was raining afterall.

Only, come to think of it, she has this perscription that might make her feel better that she wants to fill at Rite-Aid.  Its just a few blocks further.  Yeah, turn left at the light.  Oh, but she doesn't think she has the money to fill the perscription.  Any chance you can help her?  She'll be so grateful and she knows she doesn't know me from anyone, but she has no one else to rely on right now, everyone else is at work or busy or whatever.  She'll take down my information and be sure to get back with me so that she can get me my money back.  She'll from Brooklyn and "this city is filled with hustlers".  

Oh no, that is okay, don't worry about it.  You don't need my information.

She is just mortified to be bothering me like this, it isn't okay.  She really should take down my number or something.  This city is just filled with people who will use you, she knows how it is.  What was my name again?  She is just so tired right now and feeling dizzy.

No, really.  Don't worry about it.  We're at the Rite Aid, why don't I come in and help you pay for the perscription.

Well, you see, she has a friend of her husband who works in the RIte Aid, and she doesn't want to be seen with another man in the store, cuz you know, being seen with a gay, white male who looks about 1/2 her age might make him jealous.  And he likes to hit her.

Oh, that's just horrible....  .... ...  Well, I've got 5 dollars in my wallet (I have 27), there you go...   Maybe your friend in the Rite Aid can help you out with the remaining 6?

Her friend never has any money and is selfish and hates to help others out.  She muses aloud if there might be some change in the car.

I think I have a little bit, oh look I found a dime.

She points out that she thinks she can see some quarters hidden behind the junk under my cup holder.

Look, I can come in and pay for your perscription with my card if you want.

She thinks that is nice of me, but she just doesn't want to get in trouble with her boyfriend.  He gives her bruises.  She feels so weak right now.   But really, aren't there some quarters down there?

Well.  I've got to be going.

She thinks maybe she'll try asking a lady she knows in the neighborhood if she can borrow some money.  Could I drive her there?

Right or left out of the parking lot?

She thinks its right.  She feels hungry, and maybe some food would help her out.  She wonders if I know where there is a place to ear around here.

No, I don't really come to this neighborhood.  Sorry, don't know any places with food.

She doesn't ever come to this neighborhood either.

...

Could I drop her off just one block away by her friend's house?

....

She's very grateful.  Thanks me for dropping her off at the house.  She wonders if I could give her the quarters too, because, you know, every little bit helps.

I give her the 3 quarters, which have suddenly and miraculously become visible to me.

She wants a hug, she thinks I'm so nice.  She will be sure to call me and try to pay me back if I give her a number.  It just might take her a while because she doesn't have a phone.

That's fine, don't worry.  Just feel better okay?

As I pull away, I realize that I can't turn left at the light to go back to my place, and instead will have to make 3 rights and double back to the block to go the right direction.  I do so, stopping at the red light on the block where I dropped her off.  As I wait, I see her.  Her face is still covered with a weary sort of expression and as she crosses the street, she does look sick.  Almost as if she weren't faking it all along.  As the light turns green, she staggers up a small set of stairs, and, looking winded, enters the liqour store on the corner.



What is a Midwestern boy, raised on corn and stoic politeness to do in this sort of situation?  This isn't my first run-in with people who blatantly lie to my face here, indeed, she was much less convincing than many people who I have seen.  Only thing is, even though I know they are lying, once they get their hooks in, how do you really shake them?  My Michigan training in courtesy has rendered my completely incapable of telling somone who I just met to go fuck themselves.  I just don't have it in me.  

So instead, we sit in my car.  I know she is lying, and she knows that I know.  But we both play our parts.  Me, a young man who is mildly concerned about her medical problems that have already caused her so much pain.  A young man who genuinely cares, just not enough to actually do anything that might inconvience me.  Her, a tragic figure of life, down on her luck and with fate conspiring against her, in need of help from anyone.

The irony?  Maybe we're not actually acting out our roles at all.  She does indeed match the profile of a tragic character.  Reduced to lying, begging and/or stealing to cope with her situation.  Telling a flimsy story to someone she can tell isn't buying it, but sticking to that story to get her fix.  Me?  A lucky white boy, who doesn't really know how bad it can be.  Underneath the annoyance of being repeatedly lied to, I do indeed feel bad for her, to be in a situation where she feels she needs to act like this.  

...but just not bad enough to actually do much of anything...

Haha

Yeah, so I guess I know myself pretty well.  1 year (almost) and no posts whatsoever.  Nor did I tell anyone of this site, yet, which is a good thing seeing as how everyone would have thought that I died or something.

Anyway.  I'm temporarily in the mood to be writing this again.  I've gone a long way in the last year or so and in some ways have come full circle.  My research project has taken some interesting twists and turns, and in some respects I suppose I should be happy to have the data that I have, but in other respects, it sure feels like I've ended up almost where I was a year ago.  Of course, in the intervening year, I've lost a lot of drive and ambition and most of all, lost a lot of my sense of...  Importantce?  Confidence?  Arrogance?  Call it what you will.  

Things here are pretty mellow these days.  I have managed to detach my sense of self from my work in the last few months, I was living for far too long feeling as though the only thing in my life that defined me was my research.  Which was not a good thing as per my comments in the last paragraph...  :oP  But now that I don't define myself purely by my work, I am left to cast about for some sort of purpose with which to drive my life.  

Enough of that for now, far too heavy for a blog that is in its infancy.  

I've been re-listening to The Salmon of Doubt, by Douglas Adams (post-humously) just in the last couple of days.  If you don't know of Adams, I suggest you give him a try.  I find him to be an absolute riot, with a random sort of humor that I love, but who also manages to poke a bit of fun at some relatively serious issues without you even realizing he is doing it.  The book is great, because it flushes out the character of an author who I always liked and makes me think about his work in a bit more detail.  Douglas was an author, but he had a lot of passion for science and technology and a particular facination with the complexites of the implications that arise from the deceptively simplistic idea of evolution.  Here is a passage that Adams gave as a speech at a scientific meeting, dealing with evolution and religion:

"Where does the idea of God come from? Well, I think we have a very skewed point of view on an awful lot of things, but let's try and see where our point of view comes from. Imagine early man. Early man is, like everything else, an evolved creature and he finds himself in a world that he's begun to take a little charge of; he's begun to be a tool-maker, a changer of his environment with the tools that he's made and he makes tools, when he does, in order to make changes in his environment. To give an example of the way man operates compared to other animals, consider speciation, which, as we know, tends to occur when a small group of animals gets separated from the rest of the herd by some geological upheaval, population pressure, food shortage or whatever and finds itself in a new environment with maybe something different going on. Take a very simple example; maybe a bunch of animals suddenly finds itself in a place where the weather is rather colder. We know that in a few generations those genes which favour a thicker coat will have come to the fore and we'll come and we'll find that the animals have now got thicker coats. Early man, who's a tool maker, doesn't have to do this: he can inhabit an extraordinarily wide range of habitats on earth, from tundra to the Gobi Desert—he even manages to live in New York for heaven's sake—and the reason is that when he arrives in a new environment he doesn't have to wait for several generations; if he arrives in a colder environment and sees an animal that has those genes which favour a thicker coat, he says “I'll have it off him”. Tools have enabled us to think intentionally, to make things and to do things to create a world that fits us better. Now imagine an early man surveying his surroundings at the end of a happy day's tool making. He looks around and he sees a world which pleases him mightily: behind him are mountains with caves in—mountains are great because you can go and hide in the caves and you are out of the rain and the bears can't get you; in front of him there's the forest—it's got nuts and berries and delicious food; there's a stream going by, which is full of water—water's delicious to drink, you can float your boats in it and do all sorts of stuff with it; here's cousin Ug and he's caught a mammoth—mammoth's are great, you can eat them, you can wear their coats, you can use their bones to create weapons to catch other mammoths. I mean this is a great world, it's fantastic. But our early man has a moment to reflect and he thinks to himself, 'well, this is an interesting world that I find myself in' and then he asks himself a very treacherous question, a question which is totally meaningless and fallacious, but only comes about because of the nature of the sort of person he is, the sort of person he has evolved into and the sort of person who has thrived because he thinks this particular way. Man the maker looks at his world and says 'So who made this then?' Who made this? — you can see why it's a treacherous question. Early man thinks, 'Well, because there's only one sort of being I know about who makes things, whoever made all this must therefore be a much bigger, much more powerful and necessarily invisible, one of me and because I tend to be the strong one who does all the stuff, he's probably male'. And so we have the idea of a god. Then, because when we make things we do it with the intention of doing something with them, early man asks himself , 'If he made it, what did he make it for?' Now the real trap springs, because early man is thinking, 'This world fits me very well. Here are all these things that support me and feed me and look after me; yes, this world fits me nicely' and he reaches the inescapable conclusion that whoever made it, made it for him.

This is rather as if you imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in—an interesting hole I find myself in—fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it's still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise.. "

"